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♥ Monday, November 02, 2009
7:54 PM

I don't understand.
I feel perfectly fine.
I act perfectly normal.
I don't think of you.
But that only happens in the day.
When night falls.
When im all alone.
I realise how truely broken I've become.
I'm falling apart inside.
And you just see a smile.




RETAIL THERAPY SUCKS.
it's leaving me broke.
But even then,
I bought two pens I DONT NEED today.
And not cheapo pens mind you.
I bought uni-ball signo dx 0.38 pens that don't even last long!

F@$& this shit.

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♥ Thursday, October 29, 2009
7:10 PM

You think of me suddenly in the midst of doing something and you feel remorseful only or the moment. Then it fades away.

Haha. I dunno why but finding that out didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. In fact, it barely hurts at all.

I'm scared! Maybe i'm going crazy too like JEDI!

Urgghh. Hahahah.

I'm tired of the anticipation.

I'm tired of you having the upper hand on deciding if you wanna stay or go.

Let's meet to talk.


I'm tired of bein this way.

Ok?


Here we go again.
With all the things we said.
And now I'm wondering
just who would I have been
to be the one attached
at all times to your hips
FORGET THE THINGS WE SWORE WE MEANT.
I'll write to you just to let you know,
that I'm alright
can't say I'm say to see you go
cos im not.
I'm notttttttttt.



What a liar. The last part is not true. All else however, is.

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6:00 AM

Never believe promises an asshole makes to you.
Even of you love that asshole to death.

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♥ Monday, October 26, 2009
7:01 PM

I heard you're doing ok, but I want you to know,
im addict, I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care when you don't think about me...
Do you think I deserve this?





I am the incredible hulk in the morning.
I am supergirl in the afternoons.
I am wonder woman in the evenings.
I become human again at night.

I lie in bed thinking I can get thru the night without tears.
I lie in bed and wait for sleep to come to me.
Sadly, I seem to fail terribly everynight.
The thoughts rush back to me when I'm alone.
They bite me and I scream till I go crazy.
But after those few tears, I get a little stronger.
Waiting again for sleep to bless me with it's beauty.
Night after night, it disappoints me.
I'm left lying awake wondering what to do.
And just as I'm falling asleep, the alarm rings.
Being sleep deprived is getting to me.
But it doesn't matter.
Even with one hour of sleep,
I wake up a stronger Shiela than yesterday.
I wake up able to face the day.
I wake up without much thought of you.
Or anything at all for the matter.
Bein sleep deprived numbs me just enough to stop the pain
but thank god, I'm awesome because i'm still happy go lucky Shiela.
Because I'm awesome.
:)




Retail therapy is working...
Even if it means grocery shopping and buying things I don't need.

I lost weight.
That's really sad. I wonder why...
I swear i've been eating.
WHERE HAS ALL THE FATS GONE?!!!
:(

how about I round of applause, a standing ovation.
I've got a plan. Let's hope I don't go thru with it.

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♥ Sunday, October 25, 2009
11:21 PM

I am almost certain now that no one visits my blog. Afterall, it's been dead for more than a year now. If you still visit this site, you must really have no life.

and with that, Here I go with my random chants and rambles.


dear boyfriend,
are we still together?
I dont understand what's going on.
I don't understand why things are so hard.
I don't understand why you can't see my love yet I'm still her waiting and hoping you'd see me.
Hoping that you'd Come back.
Hoping that you won't leave.
I've been putting up a hell of a brave front.
I've been pretending i'm ok.
I've been acting like I'm happy.
But deep down,
wait, You don't even have to go deep down to see.
Just scrape off the surface and you'd see how broken I am.
How broken I've become.
I can't act like somethings wrong.
Mummy will worry.
And there's already so much on her plate.
I've been stupid.
I banged my head on the floor.
I cut myself.
I ran infront of a cab.
I smoked.
All in a matter of a day since you told me those dreaded words.
'i'm giving up'
I'm lost.
I'm confused.
You keep saying I'm dependent on you.
But that's exactly it.
It's not dependence.
I don't need you.
I want you.
I just want you a little too much.
So much that it hurts because you can't see me..
You can't understand me.
And you obviously don't want me as much as I want you.
It saddens me deeply to think you could leave me so broken.
It hurts me to think of all the promises you broke.
You want the best of both worlds and
you're not willing to compromise one bit.
What do I do to make you see?
What can I say to make you understand?
I do t want anyone else.
I only want you.
Baby, don't you see?...
You can't Juts expect me to be able to leave you alone.
You can't expect me to be standing tall just because you asked for a break.
I've been with you for 506 days.
Day in, day out.
You are always on my mind.
You are always there even when you're not.
For over a year, you were my all.
You were my life.
How am I suppose to give you up just like that?
How do you expect me to be strong when you're leaving me?
Again?
You made me believe in love.
You made me trust in love.
You made me have faith that with love, everything will be ok.
That no matter what comes our way, we'd face it together.
But you're leaving me now.
You want to be alone.
You are leaving me behind.
You're breaking me apart.
I can't do this baby.
I want you so badly.
I need to know that you're there.
I need to know.
You saying that you feel like you can't commit, shatters everything for me.
You were always the strong one.
The one who convinced me our love will last.
But you going against your words is making me crazy.
Why are you doing this?
How can you do this?
Have you really stopped loving me?
Am I such a bad gf?
I'm a girl bby.
I want attention.
The kind you use to give.
These days,I feel ignored.
Neglected.
I feel like I'm at the bottom of the list and everything that is anything is put above me.
I feel like I'm only wanted when there isn't anything/anyone left.
I know you can be so much more...
I know you can...
But you keep saying you can't.
What happened?....
You just don't want to do you?
I've seen him coming back.
So naturally at times.
He visits.
But never stays.
I miss him.
More than you'll ever know.
More than you can ever understand.
But even if he doesn't come back anymore,
I'm starting not to care.
So long as I have you near.
So long as you stay with me.
Stay with me.

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♥ Wednesday, August 06, 2008
11:36 PM

I have come to a frightening conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It is my personal approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
As a teacher I possess tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis
will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child humanized or de-humanized.

The Teacher- An Instrument of Power
Haim Ginott








5000 word report, here i come.

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♥ Monday, June 09, 2008
11:57 PM

its only been too long since i blogged.
im sure everyone stopped reading by now.
or perhaps my only 2 visitors would sense a vibe telling them i blogged then within the next week, i'll get a msg on my phone with a question


"who is he?"



it happens everytime without fail.
so dont fail me this time guys!
hahah i know this one is too hot to resist.
oh wait.
i foegot to share what it was that would make you guys msg me.
hahaha


after 9 months, im now officially ___________.


fill in the blanks. guys, do the math.


i miss mai and dilaaaaa. :)
meet this month for dinner pleaseeeee.
hee.







oh randoms.

i met my girls for dinner(dilah's treat) and good old laughter.

my job pretty much rocks except the shit pay.

i've graduated. (wasnt all that thrilling. and me being me, i burst into a fit of giggles when they called me "ro-shy-iee-la")

i have a boyyyfieeee.


hhhhhhhaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa.


ok i love yall.
bye.

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